10 Ways to Find Your Sexy

Updated: Dec 20, 2018

Sexy boudoir photo with man's white dress shirt and tie. Photography by female boudoir photographer, Natalie Kita, in  Delaware.

How to Get In Touch With Your Inner Sex Kitten

I hear it all the time: “I’m just not sexy”, “I don’t feel sexy”, or “I don’t know how to be sexy”. Let me assure you – You ARE sexy, you CAN feel sexy, and there’s no need to KNOW HOW. Because sexy simply is. It’s there inside you. It has been all along. You just need to recognize it. Or discover it. Or rediscover it, as the case may be. And we have a few tips to help you do just that:

1) Stop it. Stop it right now. Stop feeling bad or guilty about expressing yourself as a sexual being. Stop apologizing for your desires and fantasies. Stop second-guessing your wardrobe choices. (Is this top too low-cut? Is this bra not padded enough – will people know I have (gasp!) nipples?! What will the neighbors think if I wear a two-piece to the pool instead of the suburban standard issue tankini?

2) Have more sex. Whether you “feel like it” or not. When you get over yourself and just do it, your body will reward you with more desire to do it. Again. And your partner will reward you with positive affirmation and attention that will make you feel more desired and desirable…and desirous. Fake it til you make it, baby. (Not the orgasm, don’t fake that. Just the mood that gets you started.)

3) Get your health in line. You don’t have to be a size 2 to be healthy and fit. You just need to practice positive health habits, including regular exercise, hydration, good nutrition, and stress relief. Notice I didn’t say starve yourself. I didn’t even say the “D” word. (That’s sooooo not sexy.) But if you take good care of your body, your body will thank you. You will feel better. And trust me, you will feel much, much sexier.

4) Explore your senses. Live in the moment. Take a few moments here and there to really stop and notice and appreciate the tastes and smells of food and drink. Appreciate beauty wherever you find it. After a shower, give yourself a slow, sensual rubdown with a moisturizing body cream or oil (I love pure coconut oil for this!) If your partner is around, ask him to get the places you can’t reach (even if you really could reach them). Spritz on a little perfume every day, even if you’re not doing anything special. Listen to sexy music regularly and do some dirty-dancing all by yourself. Notice and enjoy how your body moves. Let go and feel the rhythm in your entire body.

5) Surround yourself with sexy stuff. Make your bedroom a sanctuary of sensuality. Don’t allow kids’ toys and laundry to pile up. So. Not. Hot. Candles, rich fabrics, soft sheets and pillows, and romantic lighting are where it’s at. Maybe hang some provocative art. Take back your space and claim it in the name of your inner goddess.

Bedroom picture. Sexy boudoir photography by Natalie Kita, Delaware boudoir photographer.

6) Schedule three kinds of alone-time: Alone time with your partner, alone time with your girlfriends (only the positive, fun, and uplifting ones!), and alone time with yourself. We know you’re busy, but if you don’t take time out to nurture yourself, life passes you by while your sexy side just hides in a dark corner and eventually disappears. Don’t let that happen.

7) Take a sexy class. Pole dance and belly dance classes have recently sprung up all over, and we love it! These classes combine girl-time, fitness, fun, and sexy movement all in one. When you “graduate”, make sure to demonstrate your hot new moves for your partner. And go where the evening leads you.

Sexy boudoir glamour photo with black lingerie and blindfold. Photography by Natalie Kita.
Be bold, be daring, set yourself free.

8) Get gussied up. You don’t have to do a full face of makeup and Playboy hair every day of the week, but put in some effort. Even if it’s just mascara and lip gloss. Seeing yourself a little polished when you pass yourself in the mirror can be just what you need to perk up your confidence. And NOTHING is sexier than confidence.

9) Watch other women – you know, those women who just seem naturally sexy and sensual. Watch how they move, how they walk, their gestures and facial expressions. You could even take a field trip with your girlfriends (or your man!) to a “gentlemen’s club” and watch those ladies work it. Trust me, they know sexy. Then, when you get home, it may sound goofy, but imitate them in your mirror. You will undoubtedly feel silly doing this. But you have to push past this slight discomfort to become more comfortable with YOUR sensual side. That is the key to bringing it out – becoming comfortable with it. Feeling good about it. Enjoying it.

Glamour photo, sexy boudoir by Natalie Kita.
Boudoir doesn't always have to be in lacy lingerie. Think outside the box.

10) Have a boudoir photo shoot with an amazing photographer (like, hello, NKB). We may be biased, but our clients tell us all the time how their sessions changed their lives and made them feel truly sexy for the first time in forever! We’re not kidding. Try it. It works.

Do YOU have any sexy tips or secrets? Care to share what makes you feel sexy? Leave a comment below.

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